Last but certainly not least

Sophie Claire's shower by my side of the family. I think we are more than ready for this little girl and we are very very thankful for all of the thoughtful and practical gifts we received.

I didn't get any group photos of anyone, I think it's was because we were all so busy chatting, catching up and chasing around all of the little ones that were there. As much as I wish I had those photos, I do have alot of great memories from that day.

For big sis Elliott

My Aunt Kris with baby Brenna and family friend Vicki

My Mom, thanks for all your work on the shower, love ya.

My cousin Jill.
You can't tell in this picture by she's expecting her  2nd baby , a girl, on July 14th!
I have a feeling our girls will be as close as we are. 

Niece Ireland

My sister Jenni and cute little Austin

Cousin Alli (Brenna's mommy)

My niece Ireland and my little helper opening gifts

Another little helper, my nephew Luke with Grandma Joyce and Aunt Marcia in the background..
His mama is my sister  Abbie sitting next to me.
If you haven't noticed we wore the same exact dress haha.
I bought mine in Michigan and she bought her's in Missouri!
We didn't realize we had the same dress until the night before the shower and it was just too funny that we had to wear them. Thanks for all your work on the shower Ab, love ya.

Miss Vanessa, i think this pic says it all :)

So many more family members and friends were there that I really wish I had pictures of. But thank you to everyone who came and was a part of this special day. I had a wonderful time seeing you all, catching up and celebrating the arrival of Sophie Claire.

Just hit the door open button

Normally I take the stairs as much as I can at work but yesterday morning I chose to take a quick elevator ride up to the 2nd floor as I entered the hospital to start my day. As I stepped on the elevator I noticed that all of the floors were lit up already, which should have been a big sign that the thing wasn't working properly, but it was early, 6am early, and without thinking clearly I hit floor number 2 and the doors closed.

I felt the elevator begin to move but it quickly stopped and I knew instantly that it was stuck. I pressed the button for floor 2 again...nothing happened. I hit floor 1, and 3 and nothing happened.

So I hit the emergency call button and the voice of a nice young girl asked what my emergency was. I told her I was stuck in the elevator! I could feel my heart beat begin to speed up so I thought it might help if I sit on the floor and try to relax. I said a quick prayer and took some deep breaths.

The nice girl on the opposite side of the speaker said she notified maintenance and security but wasn't sure when then would arrive. Wasn't sure when they would arrive?? was all I heard. I'm not a fan of small spaces or heights or feeling out of control and this was all happening at once - eek!

I told her I was starting to feel a bit panicked and that I am pregnant. She kindly offered to stay on the call with me and let me know that the call would time out every two minutes so I would have to call back her back each time. I could hear her place more calls in to security and as she did that I began to pray again.

At one moment she asked me if I tried to hit the door open button. I told her no, that I was scared the elevator was stuck in between floors and if I saw that it was I would really begin to panic.

Just then the phone call timed out. Two minutes had passed. Two minutes may not seem like a long time but I'm telling you 2 minutes can feel like 20 in a situation like this.

I pressed the emergency call button again and the nice girl kept talking to me. I wasn't even sure what we talked about because I just kept praying and focusing on my keeping my heart rate down. I was concerned that if too much time passed I might begin to really panic and start to have contractions.

Despite feeling completely out of control about the situation, stuck inside a place I wanted out of, not being able to see the person I was speaking with, our communication broken again within minutes, and waiting and waiting on maintenance and security to arrive I began to think how symbolic this whole thing was to how I've felt throughout this pregnancy, and just in life in general at times.

There are so many times when I wait on God, wait on Him to answer my prayers. Or when I struggle to communicate with Him, what do I say this time, I feel like I'm saying the same prayer over and over and working through the same thing over and over. And how do you always trust in someone you can't even see. It isn't always easy, this thing called faith, especially when everything else seems to be falling out of control.

"Are you stuck in there?" a voice called out from beyond the elevator doors.

"Yes!", I replied. "I'm stuck in here."

I could hear more talking but couldn't make out what was being said. The nice girl on the speaker was talking to someone too. Just then, the elevator doors opened and in front of me stood the security guard. I had to look up because I was still siting on the floor but I was surprised to see that the floor of the elevator was at the same level of the floor outside of the elevator.

Needless to say I was a bit embarrassed when I realized that the elevator hadn't really moved up that much and perhaps if I had just hit the door open button I could have walked right off of the broken elevator and avoided the 60 minutes, I mean 6 minutes, of panic I had just put myself through.

Hmmm.....sound familiar. I'm pretty good about letting myself panic when I struggle to have faith about situations I'm faced with, when I struggle to trust in God that He will carry me through, when I am too scared to just open the door to....getting pregnant again, to having another baby, and another c-section.

And look how God has answered our prayers, Sophie is a healthy baby growing bigger and stronger by the day. The pregnancy is going well with no complications and we remind ourselves how blessed we are every day.

There have been other doors in the past I've been too scared to open too...doors closed on relationships that have needed mending, doors closed to new careers - my dream of going to culinary school one day, doors closed because of FEAR, doubt, uncertainty. But I know, God is really there. Have faith in Him. Trust in Him, communicate with Him, listen to Him and be obedient to Him.

It might now always be the answer I want or the timing I think is best and in the really really really hard moments that drag on for what feels like forever, it may not even seem like He is there at all.

But when the door opens and I walk through that scary moment, out of that place I don't want to be, I will be able to look back and see that He was there with me the entire time, carrying me through it all and perhaps just waiting on me to hit the door open button.

Second chances are ...

oh so sweet, and at times a little bittersweet,  but for me, for us, for Sophie and for Elliott, I feel as though our second chance at parenthood is a true blessing from God that I pray I never, ever take for granted.

Today marks week 30 of the pregnancy and today also happens to be the 3rd of June. Elliott's 16 month birthday in heaven. Happy birthday sweet baby girl. At first I found it a bit ironic even scary that these two milestones coincided on the same day, but after a brief moment I accepted it for what it was and felt at peace with where we are and more faith than ever that all will be ok this time.

I also had a long chat with Sophie and told her that as much as we are ready for her arrival she needs to continue cooking for little while longer.

Having not made it past 30 weeks with Elliott, I am a bit unsure what these next few months will be like, but I can tell you one thing already, I am going to cherish them.

Sophie is growing so big and strong and it truly amazes me how much I can feel and see her moving around. Often when Joe and I are sitting on the couch watching t.v. or reading I forget what I'm doing and just stare at my belly and watch as she moves around.

Walking, sitting, standing - you name it, my hands rest right on my belly as if I'm holding her in my arms already.

Last Friday I spent the majority of the day getting food and favors ready for my friend's baby shower, but the best part of all was that I had the radio on and was just singing right along to Sophie. And I'm a terrible singer but I just wanted to do and it made me feel happy.

I'm thinking about even reading her a book or two. To some people these things may seem simple or pointless or "what's the big deal", but to me it's all a big deal.

All of this I wanted to do for Elliott but I wasn't strong enough for her, emotionally, I mean. The thought of talking to her, or reading her a book brought me to tears every time and I just didn't want her to hear me crying any more than I already did.

So to want to do these things with Sophie and enjoy them feels empowering, healing, and just plain good.

And I have to say I feel less fear and more faith than I've felt in months and that in itself is a blessing. I know a lot of people out there are praying for Sophie, the pregnancy, Joe and I - and I just want to say thank you. Your prayers mean so much to us and they are being answered. Thank you God.

So for the next 45 days, (my mom's fun little countdown), I'm going to cherish this pregnancy and continue to look forward to the arrival of our Sophie Claire.

After all isn't that what second chances are all about. What second chance have you been given?

Ahh, what the heck. Joe said show that belly, so I'm going to show some belly.

Sophie's shower #2 equals family and fun on the farm in Genoa

Joe's mom, and sister Leslie hosted a family fun day
cousin Kellee and Aunt Carol 

Aunt Bobi, Linda, Joyce and Melissa 

Grandma Nelms

Sophie's handsome daddy

The activity table complete with the price is right, word scramble and sculpt your own play-do baby

Winners of the word scramble, Kellee and her friend Jennifer
who also went to school with Joe and was in Mexico with us for Kel's wedding.
So great to see these two again!

Ann with her beautiful baby girl

who are those crazy kids

  

My lovely corsage created by Leslie 

And no visit to the farm is complete without playing with the latest addition to the family

Let the countdown begin

Sophie Claire will be here on July 18th!

We set the official due date at yesterday's doctor's appointment and we are so thrilled. Just 8 weeks away.

Yesterday's appointment brought all good news which has a been an amazing blessing throughout this pregnancy.

Passed the glucose test - check! Blood pressure is good - check! Only gained 1 lb in the past 3 weeks - check!

We did not have an ultrasound done at this appointment but Sophie's heart tones sound strong and healthy  and she is no longer breach. Which really doesn't matter since I will be having another c-section, but just another great step in the pregnancy. And baby girl is a movin. Wow, is it amazing to feel her kick, twist and wiggle around. So very very different than sweet little Elliott.

After all of the fun stuff I did have quiet a few questions for Dr. O. and he not only answered them all for me but helped to ease a lot of fear and anxiety I've been having lately.

As we approach 30 weeks, the point when I went into labor with Elliott, my mind has been a roller coaster of thoughts and I'm sad to say not many of those thoughts have been good. Every fear and worry has entered my mind and as quickly as they come to me, they seem to make themselves comfortable just long enough to keep me awake at night.

And I feel really selfish admitting this, but while I do worry about Sophie and pray that she will continue to grow strong and healthy and survive the delivery and be here with us, the majority of my fear is that something will happen to me.

That something terribly wrong will happen and I won't be able to be her mommy. Isn't that crazy, absurd, and selfish of me. But it's true, I want all of the things we didn't get with Elliott so badly that I think I'm driving myself crazy with fear that it will be ripped from me again.

Dr. O and I talked for a very long time and he addressed my fears and concerns. He reassured me that my anxiety wouldn't cause me to go into early labor and that while my uterus is thinner than usually it won't cause any issues between now and delivery. He allowed me to schedule my next three appointments with him and said he'd perform an ultrasound with each one so we could see that Sophie is doing well.

He walked me through the delivery and told me all who would be present in the room, reassured me that they would all be professional and prepared, unlike the rude anesthesiologist we had with Elliott who yelled at the nurses for not turning my epidural off on time to start the spinal and then ripped the tape of my back without any warning. He was awful and only added more stress to an already scary situation.

Dr. O said he can have Sophie out within 5 minutes and once the pediatrician has a chance to look at her and make sure all is good the doctor will place her right in Joe's hands and she will never have to leave us. I could have cried tears of happiness right there in the doctor's room. I can barely wait for that moment, to see her alive and well. To see her eyes open and look into them. To hear her cries. And to hold her and know she will not be taken from us.

I guess that's what I will try to focus on throughout the next 8 weeks. A healthy baby, a successful delivery and a happy family together on July 18th. At least that will be my prayer until then.

The curiosity and innocence of a child is the sweetest thing

On Saturday Joe's co-worker and friend stopped by to help Joe pick up Sophie's new dresser from Babies R Us. We do not have a van or a truck and we are learning very quickly just how small our car is and just how few baby items will actually fit in it. But I'm certainly not complaining, it's so wonderful filling our home with all of these adorable things for Sophie and I"m sure we'll figure it all out when the time comes to pack up the car with little Sophie in tow and all that she requires....or what we believe she requires until its our tenth or eleventh trip back to Illinois and we finally realize that all we really need is just Sophie, a few diapers, a hand full of cheerios, a travel dvd set and grace :).

Upon their arrival back to the house with the giant dresser I realized that Joe's friend brought his 3 year old son with him too, an adorable blond headed boy named Simon.

Simon's curiosity brought him right inside our home and he met our two furry friends Gabby and Rufus, both of whom he was not all that sure about. Together we watched as the guys managed to lift this incredibly large and heavy box up the stairs to the nursery. As Simon scanned the living room a picture on an end table just at eye level caught his attention.

Without hesitation he walked right up to the picture and took the frame in both hands and brought it a bit closer to his face. "Awe, is this your baby? he asked in the sweetest voice.

Me: "Yes, Simon, that is baby Elliott."

Simone: "Baby Elliott." followed by a sweet little smile.

This may have simply been one of the many many questions Simon asked throughout the day as he enjoyed his Saturday with his dad. But for me, this was another special moment to say her sweet name out loud and enjoy my Saturday too proudly remembering my sweet baby Elliott.

Thank you Simon.

A beautiful shower for Sophie Claire

Some of my best friends in Michigan threw us a beautiful, girly, 

bright and cheerful shower for little miss Sophie Claire. It was a fun few hours together and something I've been dreaming of since the moment we were pregnant with Elliott. 

These girls know just how to make the sweetest touch too with a tribute to big sis Elliott.

The Girls

The food, loved it all  - yum!

We were able to keep the ducks in the punch - what a cute touch.

My favorite - cake! Sophie girl likes her sweets and mama's had one heck of a sweet tooth with this girl

We kept the letters and puffs too for her nursery 

The activity was to make hair bows - how creative and perfect

Notes for late night diaper changes - can't wait to read them 

Party favors

The best - a tribute to big sis Elliott 

Dad came too - to collect the gifts and one very happy mama