Normally I take the stairs as much as I can at work but yesterday morning I chose to take a quick elevator ride up to the 2nd floor as I entered the hospital to start my day. As I stepped on the elevator I noticed that all of the floors were lit up already, which should have been a big sign that the thing wasn't working properly, but it was early, 6am early, and without thinking clearly I hit floor number 2 and the doors closed.
I felt the elevator begin to move but it quickly stopped and I knew instantly that it was stuck. I pressed the button for floor 2 again...nothing happened. I hit floor 1, and 3 and nothing happened.
So I hit the emergency call button and the voice of a nice young girl asked what my emergency was. I told her I was stuck in the elevator! I could feel my heart beat begin to speed up so I thought it might help if I sit on the floor and try to relax. I said a quick prayer and took some deep breaths.
The nice girl on the opposite side of the speaker said she notified maintenance and security but wasn't sure when then would arrive. Wasn't sure when they would arrive?? was all I heard. I'm not a fan of small spaces or heights or feeling out of control and this was all happening at once - eek!
I told her I was starting to feel a bit panicked and that I am pregnant. She kindly offered to stay on the call with me and let me know that the call would time out every two minutes so I would have to call back her back each time. I could hear her place more calls in to security and as she did that I began to pray again.
At one moment she asked me if I tried to hit the door open button. I told her no, that I was scared the elevator was stuck in between floors and if I saw that it was I would really begin to panic.
Just then the phone call timed out. Two minutes had passed. Two minutes may not seem like a long time but I'm telling you 2 minutes can feel like 20 in a situation like this.
I pressed the emergency call button again and the nice girl kept talking to me. I wasn't even sure what we talked about because I just kept praying and focusing on my keeping my heart rate down. I was concerned that if too much time passed I might begin to really panic and start to have contractions.
Despite feeling completely out of control about the situation, stuck inside a place I wanted out of, not being able to see the person I was speaking with, our communication broken again within minutes, and waiting and waiting on maintenance and security to arrive I began to think how symbolic this whole thing was to how I've felt throughout this pregnancy, and just in life in general at times.
There are so many times when I wait on God, wait on Him to answer my prayers. Or when I struggle to communicate with Him, what do I say this time, I feel like I'm saying the same prayer over and over and working through the same thing over and over. And how do you always trust in someone you can't even see. It isn't always easy, this thing called faith, especially when everything else seems to be falling out of control.
"Are you stuck in there?" a voice called out from beyond the elevator doors.
"Yes!", I replied. "I'm stuck in here."
I could hear more talking but couldn't make out what was being said. The nice girl on the speaker was talking to someone too. Just then, the elevator doors opened and in front of me stood the security guard. I had to look up because I was still siting on the floor but I was surprised to see that the floor of the elevator was at the same level of the floor outside of the elevator.
Needless to say I was a bit embarrassed when I realized that the elevator hadn't really moved up that much and perhaps if I had just hit the door open button I could have walked right off of the broken elevator and avoided the 60 minutes, I mean 6 minutes, of panic I had just put myself through.
Hmmm.....sound familiar. I'm pretty good about letting myself panic when I struggle to have faith about situations I'm faced with, when I struggle to trust in God that He will carry me through, when I am too scared to just open the door to....getting pregnant again, to having another baby, and another c-section.
And look how God has answered our prayers, Sophie is a healthy baby growing bigger and stronger by the day. The pregnancy is going well with no complications and we remind ourselves how blessed we are every day.
There have been other doors in the past I've been too scared to open too...doors closed on relationships that have needed mending, doors closed to new careers - my dream of going to culinary school one day, doors closed because of FEAR, doubt, uncertainty. But I know, God is really there. Have faith in Him. Trust in Him, communicate with Him, listen to Him and be obedient to Him.
It might now always be the answer I want or the timing I think is best and in the really really really hard moments that drag on for what feels like forever, it may not even seem like He is there at all.
But when the door opens and I walk through that scary moment, out of that place I don't want to be, I will be able to look back and see that He was there with me the entire time, carrying me through it all and perhaps just waiting on me to hit the door open button.
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