I've been meaning to post about Sophie's first Thanksgiving, but today I just really want to write about both of our girls.
I'm pecking at the keyboard with my right hand and holding a sleeping Sophie in my left. She's been sleeping for an hour now and I can feel the warmth of her body against mine. I could put her down to sleep in her bassinet and type this post out twice as fast with both hands but today was her 4 month check up and second round of vaccinations so I'm going to love on her a little extra and hold her a little longer. There is nothing sweeter than a sleeping baby.
Plus, I was reminded the other day just how quickly she is growing. Yesterday I packed all of her 0 to 3 month clothes in a storage bin and I got a little emotional as I came across her newborn outfits. She was so tiny. Those newborn outfits are so small. I would hold one up after the other and picture her in them and think back to what we were doing the day she wore them. I'm a little surprised I can remember so much because at times those initials days, weeks and months were really a blur.
I was so scared bringing Sophie home from the hospital. I was so worried I was going to do something wrong and harm her on accident or that some how we would lose her too. I was terrified of loosing another baby. I must have had the same conversations over and over with Joe, my friends, my sister, my cousin, my mom, Joe's mom, the nurses, really anyone who would listen and reassure me that I was doing everything fine. That Sophie was going to be okay.
And today's doctor visit reassured me of that too. We are doing everything just fine. She's happy, healthy and thriving and there is absolutely nothing else we could ask for.
Over the past few days my heart has felt a little heavy and at times I've been brought to tears in the middle of a mundane task at home. I haven't quiet figured out what it is. Maybe I feel a little homesick and miss our family after the really nice visit we had at Thanksgiving with Joe's family. I'm so looking forward to seeing mine at Christmas.
Maybe it's all of the holiday cheer, our tree is up, Christmas music is playing all day long, and our month is quickly filling up with visits with family and friends.
Maybe it's because I'm 10 days out from finishing a 90 day reading plan of the bible,a persona; goal I've had for some time now. I've never before felt so drawn to the Lord in my life and coming up on the day of His birth I feel so very blessed to call Him my Lord and Savior.
Maybe it's because today in my arms sleeps a beautiful baby girl who I've been given the gift of parenting and loving. At this time last year we shared the news that we were expecting this precious child with our family and our prayers for a healthy baby and pregnancy were answered to the fullest.
Maybe it is because I still feel a bit of guilt when I find so much joy in experiencing all of the first with Sophie while at the same time wishing we experienced those first with Elliott too, Maybe its because while I know Elliott is in heaven, my heart wishes she was here. Maybe its because today is the 3rd and Elliott would have turned 22 months today. Maybe its because the more and more I look at Sophie the more I see her sweet sister Elliott.
Just last night I was looking through the recent pictures the our friend and photographer Kathryn Gibson took when I came across a picture of Sophie that is very similar to my favorite picture of Elliott.