New beginnings if you will

Welcome to my new blog. I decided that after Elliott's first birthday I would allow myself to begin a new chapter of blogging and therefore create a brand new blog.

Fifteen months ago I created Elliott's blog as a way to inform our family and friends of her conditions and prognosis. I never imagined my blog would grow into the outlet it did and allow this grieving mother to share openly and honestly some of the deepest moments of fear, loss and grief. I would have never imagined the outpouring of love we'd receive from our family, friends and complete strangers who read my blog. But most of all, I never would have believed I would have come so far - this far - in 15 short months of being told our unborn daughter would die shortly after birth. Some amazing friends of ours printed Elliott's blog into a beautiful book and gave it to us for her birthday. Reading through it I am amazed at how far I've come, at how far we have come. A good friend recently told me, you can come a long way when God is the one carrying you in His arms. How very true that is. And I believe we are the proof.

It was easy to come up with the blog title, Elliott's Mommy. I'd been holding on to those words since Elliott's funeral actually when a friend of mine gave me a gift. My friend has also experienced loss, eight years ago she lost her newborn son Ian. She handed me a small cross pin with Elliott's birthstone in the middle. I thought it was beautiful and knew immediately that I would pin it on a bear that sits on Elliott's shelf in our bedroom. But, as I turned the package over I saw another beautiful gift in just six simple words. "From Ian's Mommy, To Elliott's Mommy."

I had struggled alot throughout the pregnancy with this very thing. What do I tell people when she's gone. That I had a baby? That I have a baby? That, yes I am a mom and Joe is a dad? What do we do when those dreadful days creep up - mother's day and father's day.

Laura's (Ian's mommy) gift said it all. She gave me a gift I truly needed, to know that I am and always will be Elliott's Mommy. I believe I needed to hear that from her too, because of her own loss and her own journey.

So while this blog is new and this chapter in our journey is new, I will continue to blog about Elliott as her mommy.

And I will also blog about another new addition to our family. For those of you who do not already know, baby Jensen #2 will be here in August!! Praise God.

We found out we were expecting in November and shared the news with our family at Christmas. We've had several doctor's appointments and ultrasounds already and all the news we have received has been GOOD. Baby Jensen #2 is growing strong and healthy with no complications. We had the 1st trimester scan performed again, this was the same test that told us of ALL of Elliott's complications. As you can imagine it was very stressful leading up to that appointment and as we walked into the ultrasound room the memories of Elliott's appointment flooded my mind. I kept it together as we explained to the ultrasound tech that we'd been through this before and what happened to Elliott. But it was as she dimmed the lights and squeezed the hot gel on my belly that I started to cry. I was terrified. And I'm sure Joe was too. He grabbed my hand and rolled his chair closer to me. We stared at the monitor and held our breath. The baby showed up instantly and was moving all over the place. I could feel myself relax slightly because this was different from Elliott. She didn't move very much and it was very difficult for the doctors to scan her. After ALL of the scans we had with her, we knew instantly what to look for with this baby. And there it was, a straight and long and beautiful spine. And as the tech continued the scan we could see more, more of our healthy baby. It was the miracle we had prayed for. The scan was finished within minutes, another difference from Elliott's, which took over an hour. The Maternal Fetal Doctor came in next and confirmed the scan and also shared that the blood work came back negative as well! I think at that very moment Joe and I both began to breathe again and allow ourselves to truly enjoy our new pregnancy and journey.

And what a beautiful journey this will be.